那些医院教我的事/things i learnt in hospital
There is no need for a nurse to wake you up at 3am and say ‘you didn’t shit enough in the cup’. It’s alarming, confusing and can wait for the morning, or as the nurse said when she was leaving “anytime in the next two days is fine” – if it can wait two days, it doesn’t need to be said at 3am.
对于护士来说没有必要在凌晨三点把病人叫起,并且只是为了告诉他们“朋友你在杯子里拉得可不够多啊”。这让人恐慌,让人困惑,况且完全可以等到第二天早上嘛。或者像护士离开时说的“要是能在接下来的两天里发生都行”——如果两天都可以等,何苦一定要在凌晨3点呢。
The 6am blood test is an interesting alarm clock and doesn’t hurt at all if you are still half asleep.
早晨6点的验血是种奇特的闹铃,如果你还在半睡半醒状态,那么一点都不会痛。
Being locked in hospital for two days when you’re not sick is like being in rehab, and I now know why Amy Winehouse doesn’t want to go there. It’s boring. You’ll end up begging your girlfriend to bring in a DVD player and some Skittles. (p.s – you need a good girlfriend to have this happen)
当你没病却要在医院里关上两天的感觉就像呆在戒毒所一样,我现在终于理解为什么Amy Winehouse(小中写的时候还没有变成过去时…RIP…)不喜欢去那里了。无聊。最终你会恳求你的女朋友给你带上DVD播放机和一些彩虹糖。(附注——你需要一个很好的女朋友来让这些发生)
The nurses will try and trick you, saying you need to shave your face for an operation on your groin. Question this till the end and then ask the head doctor. They’ll tell you there is no need.
护士们会一直耍花招,说你需要刮一个脸或者是一个腹股沟手术。不要轻易上当,问问你的主治医生吧,最后他们会告诉你根本没有必要。
Tracy Morgan isn’t as annoying in 30 Rock as he is in Cop Out.
Tracy Morgan在30 Rock里没有像在Cop Out里那么讨厌。
If you keep going to the balcony to steal someone’s NETGEAR wi-fi, they’ll eventually figure it out and change the password and you’ll be left looking at the China Mobile hourly wifi rates and feeling like a jerk.
如果你坚持去阳台偷隔壁的无线,他们最终会发现并且改掉密码。那么你就只能像个怪兽一样呆呆看着中国移动的每小时无线流量。
I learned that I had a tube in my dick! A TUBE IN MY DICK! No-one told me of this before hand, and somewhere between going to sleep before the operation and waking up 45 minutes later, a tube had been put in my dick. I don’t know who did it, and I don’t know how they did it. I know it was awful and I can still feel the tube there. It’s a nightmare.
有个管子在我的下面里!一根管子在我的下面里(这是什么话)!之前从来没有人告诉我会这样,就在我准备在手术前睡去和手术后45分钟醒来间,一根管子就这样被放了进去。我不知道是谁干的,也不明白他们为什么要这样做。我只知道这很恶心并且现在还能感觉到(现在呢?)。噩梦啊。
I learned that the nurses at this hospital were some of the worst people ever. Saying that I was afraid of pain after I had a knife shoved in my stomach and not giving me painkillers without making me argue and fight for them sucked. I also learned that when a nurse throws their equipment on your fresh surgery wound, it fucking hurts.
For some reason they said “if you need any help, you can hire an ayi to look after you” – then what the fuck is the point of a nurse?! To nap on a table and check people’s temperatures? It’s an electronic gun that reads your temperature in 2 seconds. A 6 year old could do this job. I highly recommend people apply to be a nurse at this hospital. It’s perfect if you just want to read the newspaper and laugh at sick people.
这家医院里的护士们是一些最差劲的烂人。他们在一把手术刀强推进我的胃里并且不给我止痛药之后说我很怕痛,还不让我抱怨和反抗。我也了解到当一个护士在你的新鲜伤口上挥舞他们的工具时有多痛。
出于某些原因,他们告诉我“如果你需要帮助,可以找一个阿姨来照顾你”——那么护士是做什么用的呢?一个6岁的小孩可以用电子测温计在2秒钟里测到你的体温。所以我极度力大家都去这家医院申请做护士吧。如果你只是想看看报纸嘲笑一下病人,那么这份工作再适合你不过了。
The world’s cheapest LG phone may be shit to message on and may be super annoying, but can go 5 days with semi heavy use and not need to be charged once. Quality right there.
世界上最便宜的LG手机可能对于发消息来说是糟糕的,但它可以在semi heavy use(半过量使用模式?不懂)中撑5天并且不用充一次电。事实胜于雄辩。
It’s stupid to download a bunch of stand up comedy and listen to it right after surgery. Laughing is painful.
下载大量的脱口秀节目并且在手术后马上去听是不明智的,快乐并痛着。
愿大家都身体健康
圈圈叉叉
xxoo
对于护士来说没有必要在凌晨三点把病人叫起,并且只是为了告诉他们“朋友你在杯子里拉得可不够多啊”。这让人恐慌,让人困惑,况且完全可以等到第二天早上嘛。或者像护士离开时说的“要是能在接下来的两天里发生都行”——如果两天都可以等,何苦一定要在凌晨3点呢。
The 6am blood test is an interesting alarm clock and doesn’t hurt at all if you are still half asleep.
早晨6点的验血是种奇特的闹铃,如果你还在半睡半醒状态,那么一点都不会痛。
Being locked in hospital for two days when you’re not sick is like being in rehab, and I now know why Amy Winehouse doesn’t want to go there. It’s boring. You’ll end up begging your girlfriend to bring in a DVD player and some Skittles. (p.s – you need a good girlfriend to have this happen)
当你没病却要在医院里关上两天的感觉就像呆在戒毒所一样,我现在终于理解为什么Amy Winehouse(小中写的时候还没有变成过去时…RIP…)不喜欢去那里了。无聊。最终你会恳求你的女朋友给你带上DVD播放机和一些彩虹糖。(附注——你需要一个很好的女朋友来让这些发生)
The nurses will try and trick you, saying you need to shave your face for an operation on your groin. Question this till the end and then ask the head doctor. They’ll tell you there is no need.
护士们会一直耍花招,说你需要刮一个脸或者是一个腹股沟手术。不要轻易上当,问问你的主治医生吧,最后他们会告诉你根本没有必要。
Tracy Morgan isn’t as annoying in 30 Rock as he is in Cop Out.
Tracy Morgan在30 Rock里没有像在Cop Out里那么讨厌。
If you keep going to the balcony to steal someone’s NETGEAR wi-fi, they’ll eventually figure it out and change the password and you’ll be left looking at the China Mobile hourly wifi rates and feeling like a jerk.
如果你坚持去阳台偷隔壁的无线,他们最终会发现并且改掉密码。那么你就只能像个怪兽一样呆呆看着中国移动的每小时无线流量。
I learned that I had a tube in my dick! A TUBE IN MY DICK! No-one told me of this before hand, and somewhere between going to sleep before the operation and waking up 45 minutes later, a tube had been put in my dick. I don’t know who did it, and I don’t know how they did it. I know it was awful and I can still feel the tube there. It’s a nightmare.
有个管子在我的下面里!一根管子在我的下面里(这是什么话)!之前从来没有人告诉我会这样,就在我准备在手术前睡去和手术后45分钟醒来间,一根管子就这样被放了进去。我不知道是谁干的,也不明白他们为什么要这样做。我只知道这很恶心并且现在还能感觉到(现在呢?)。噩梦啊。
I learned that the nurses at this hospital were some of the worst people ever. Saying that I was afraid of pain after I had a knife shoved in my stomach and not giving me painkillers without making me argue and fight for them sucked. I also learned that when a nurse throws their equipment on your fresh surgery wound, it fucking hurts.
For some reason they said “if you need any help, you can hire an ayi to look after you” – then what the fuck is the point of a nurse?! To nap on a table and check people’s temperatures? It’s an electronic gun that reads your temperature in 2 seconds. A 6 year old could do this job. I highly recommend people apply to be a nurse at this hospital. It’s perfect if you just want to read the newspaper and laugh at sick people.
这家医院里的护士们是一些最差劲的烂人。他们在一把手术刀强推进我的胃里并且不给我止痛药之后说我很怕痛,还不让我抱怨和反抗。我也了解到当一个护士在你的新鲜伤口上挥舞他们的工具时有多痛。
出于某些原因,他们告诉我“如果你需要帮助,可以找一个阿姨来照顾你”——那么护士是做什么用的呢?一个6岁的小孩可以用电子测温计在2秒钟里测到你的体温。所以我极度力大家都去这家医院申请做护士吧。如果你只是想看看报纸嘲笑一下病人,那么这份工作再适合你不过了。
The world’s cheapest LG phone may be shit to message on and may be super annoying, but can go 5 days with semi heavy use and not need to be charged once. Quality right there.
世界上最便宜的LG手机可能对于发消息来说是糟糕的,但它可以在semi heavy use(半过量使用模式?不懂)中撑5天并且不用充一次电。事实胜于雄辩。
It’s stupid to download a bunch of stand up comedy and listen to it right after surgery. Laughing is painful.
下载大量的脱口秀节目并且在手术后马上去听是不明智的,快乐并痛着。
愿大家都身体健康
圈圈叉叉
xxoo
早日康复
Try to stay still and be an obedient patient, that's all you can do after surgery.
一根管子在我的下面里(这是什么话)!
我笑了。F美少年翻译功力大涨!
小中还好吧,,,早日康复!
哪家医院 有点好奇的
不会说的网上医院的名字,但我会亲自你.
很生动阿 祝早日康复
我们的F最终有一天会去翻译花里胡哨的畅销小说
> 我来回应