To：Ambassador Max Sieben Baucus
“I was NOT sent by the Big Brother”
It was cold，it was even a bit chilly；it was Saturday morning，April 19，2014，in Beijing.
I awoke at half past six，half an hour earlier than the time I set up of alarming myself getting up in the morning，for I had planned to take part in the event of “America's Fight for Disability Rights：meeting with Judith Heumann” organized by the Beijing American Center（BAC），which is part of the U.S. Embassy in China. For it took time for me to arrive at the downtown because of my lodging，and that it would be much better to make sure of my arriving on time.
It seemed to me that the locale I had decided to be involved in was a matter of psychology：fortunately it was in an Embassy’s off-compound facility in Beijing. For，I remember，what mattered in the first time when I wanted to take a stroll in the Embassy Area in Beijing，as was around the British Embassy，is that，instead of being a stroller，I felt the horrible working of every nerve of mine，as if I were right in Moscow in the Soviet Union of Joseph Stalin，and followed by the Eye wherever I moved of the Mustachioed，and its power even if it was clean shaved，and so forth；that，when I left for the TAM Square that I saw among the crowded several teams of the youngsters soldiered and both in surveillance and in demonstration moving round，dressed up in the head and in the main body in the Army's uniform and in civilian clothes by the rear，my feel was transmuted，simultaneously，into vision of but some rattlesnakes，that brought me a shiver，that almost carried me away……
Anyway，I had participated in it already：for example，under the announcement of this event at its douban webpage I had voluntarily issued voice of four topics for discussion：one in English entitled “I'm fighting the death”；the others in Chinese，when translated：“My mummy doesn't allow me……”，“One child only I'm thus allowed to give birth to，—why？”，“A worm or to be like a hero？”，respectively，hoping them corresponding to the theme，“Lives Worth Living”.
These voices，written in purport and in vernacularism in Chinese，were being weighed over；so that they might bring forth something not only of a kindly humor but also thoughtful. They were some consequence of my taking into account the Chinese taste. Moreover，in my expression of ideas，I do not intend to incur displeasure of anybody，different from a dissident in China.
Nor was I inspired of Judith Heumann，that I had the issues，frankly speaking. For，in fact，I did not know her，except for a few words regarding the activity on the bulletin board that I read before any of my utterance.
Needless to say，I wish what I have raised would be well read and，consequently，myself，that is linked to my douban weibo. For，first thing first，it is after my job application for Cultural Affairs Specialist in the Public Affairs Section of the U.S. Embassy in Beijing that I came to know about the BAC，and the links of my weibo aforesaid and my blog at the sina，featuring my management in cultural affairs in some specific cases，are mentioned as reference for consideration in my application.
Yet，I have no idea whether or not the decision-makers who make the shortlisted for the interview in the recruitment have ever paid any attention to my words such as the topics above-mentioned，as I've wished them to. “Not at all；oh，poor me，” I said to myself saddened，and I do not know what to do.
One may say that it is strange to expect the consideration to be so taken as for the sake of the short list，questioning if it is proper to do so，but I argue that，a set of selecting criteria in the recruitment，as well as a CV，may not be enough：may not be conclusive，to bring about the coming up of the expected.
For，as in my case，compared with other job applicants，my competitors，I have to overcome one more difficulty，a tough one：to fight against the retirement age that is 40 in China：the Death and its Sheol！
Besides，with regard to education，for instance，I do not have a certificate that is from，say，an Ivy League college；the one in my hands，which I may need，perhaps，to so point out，was obtained.
Furthermore，although I've never been abroad，as to the overseas，I think I'm awakened，if I may say so，which speaks of the capacity - if a mainlander of China who has undergone the incessant political movements since the year 1949 is potentially able to relate them - of his or her potentiality being set free，which constitutes the very qualification of being a cross-cultural affairs specialist.
This is the background of my being about to meet with Judith Heumann.
Yet she came quietly，and in quietude she came to us like our old neighbor in greeting as she shaked hands with us，the Chinese as well as the Americans，quite different from those whom I know who in daily life as in almost everything prefer to being clamorous，so much as even when they have dinner，for instance，they want to do it boisterously……
Judy was peaceful，she was calm，she was happy.
This is an impression she left to me，as I now meditate on it.
I was excited when I talked to Judy.
Minutes later the event started；and after some brief self-introductions of the people involved it began with a documentary.
The figures with disabilities in the film were wonderful instruments of God，I thought when I watched it，they were angels indeed.
Then it was the time that the audience began to ask Judy some questions by turns. Almost at the beginning of the time a question by a disabled Chinese woman sat beside me brought the air into an alert，so that the people on the spot were at once in a cold war mentality in full，I felt，which might have foreshadowed what was going to happen in my turn，as I now recall it.
I hoped to be helpful，to the Chinese people in particular，to figure out that from whence Judy's strength comes，and to share the spirit which I believe Judy must have had in her life，and always，because she has made so great achievements！
So I raised my hand for question I wanted to ask；the host then gave the microphone to me，setting my turn in start.
Standing up，I asked in Chinese first of all for permission for that I wished to deliver what I called my Chinese salutation to Judy，and I did it：making a big bow to Judith Heumann，a token of homage，my deep respect to her，and I waiting for the interpreter to translate my words into English，and she did it accordingly.
My salutation is not like a typical Chinese zuoyi of old that makes a bow with the hands folded in front，nor a kowtowing that kneels down and touches the forehead to the ground. It is perhaps like a traditional Japanese style of greeting between gentlemen. It could be easily understood and acknowledged and accepted by the Chinese audience in heart，to my understanding.
There was a whiff of a stir coming up in following in the gathering，as in my remembrance of it，which I think is good if the audience took it for as it looked like a performance of such a ritual as valuing something above life，such as a saintly spirit，such as honor.
After my salute I spoke in English，speaking metaphor to some extent，saying that，“I'm what people usually say the healthy people，but in my comparison with the one，for example，” refering to the disabled Chinese woman aforementioned，yet positively and in my praise and encouragement of her because of her participation of the event，“I'm more disabled，spiritually and mentally and，to a certain degree，I believe，unknowing though，physically，” - I was vehemently pointing to the emptiness of the depraved，the possessed，etc.，hoping that，after that，it would come to Judy's rich spirit and her strength，so to speak.
But when I was in the vehemence the host came to me；he seized the microphone，thus he stopped me.
The rude prevailed.
“My dear sir，I was NOT sent by the Big Brother.”
JX in Beijing，