Noel Gallagher GQ interview (October 2013)
(专访内容在UK的GQ10月刊,文字都是站长照着图片一个字一个字的码出来的QAQ)
Ask Noel Gallagher whatever you want, and he'll tell you whatever he thinks. And upstairs at the Groucho - over three bowls of miniature sausages and a plate of chips - the 46-year-old is in full flight.
你问NG什么,他就是直白地说出心中所想。在Groucho餐厅上层,桌上放着超过3碗小香肠和一碟薯片,46岁的NG在这里和我们尽情畅谈。
On One Direction: "Fooking idiots. Bless 'em. Bless 'em, but fook 'em at the same time."
关于1D:“一群傻逼。我祝福他们,但同时我讨厌他们。”
On backstage riders: "I've seen seeds on Coldplay's dressing room. Fooking seeds! Where's the parrot?"
关于后台:“我曾经在冻玩的休息室看到种子。他妈的种子!鹦鹉在哪?”
On radio promos: "Why have I got to be there at seven in the morning? Who's listening at fooking seven in the morning? Cunts, that's who's."
关于电台宣传:“我为什么一定要在早上7点到那儿?谁他妈早上7点听收音机?只有傻逼。”
On the Brit Awards: "You can be sat at a table with a load of people from an insurance company. 'Where you from? Classical label?', 'No. AIG.' 'Well,what the fooking are you doing here?'"
关于全英奖:“你会跟一桌保险公司的人坐在一起。‘你来自哪里? Classical label?’‘不,我是AIG的。’‘那你他妈的来这里干嘛?’”
Rock star, philosopher, multi-million-selling, Ivor Novello Award-winning songwriter - and slightly grumpy dad - Noel Gallagher is GQ's Icon Of The Year.
摇滚巨星、哲学家、百万唱片销量、Ivor Novello得奖的作曲家,也是一个有点臭脾气的爸爸 - NG,是今年的GQ的年度偶像。
Danny: Noel. You're completely in charge. What’s the first commandment in the Church of Gallagher ? A rule we’d all have to live by ?
Noel: [Long pause, thinking.] People shouldn’t start work before 10 o’clock in the morning. People shouldn’t work weekends unless they work in the service industry and they’re getting paid double time. Thou Shalt Not Work. I don’t like workaholics. Don’t fooking trust them. Why are they working? I don't trust busy cunts. That's how wars start: busy fookers. If terrorism had a weedend off, eventually they'd have a year off. Eventually they'd go, 'Fook this - blowing up shit? Football's on. Thou shalt not be arsed.
D:假如你掌权,在这个咖喱圣殿里,你第一条颁布的法律会是?所有人在生活中都必须遵守的法则。
N:(想很久)人们不应该在早上10点前上班工作。周末也不应该工作,除非你是在服务行业并且有双倍工资。你不应该工作。我不喜欢工作狂。千万不能相信他们。他们为何工作?我不鸟那些忙碌的傻逼。这就是为何有战争发生:忙碌的混球。如果恐怖分子周末有休假,他们会放假一年。最后就会散伙。“艹!去炸东西?球赛已经开始了,还瞎搞个毛啊。”
D: What would you ban?
N: I don't like litter. I like that Singapore thing. You know - you get caught dropping litter you get your head chopping off. I'd have a bin on every street corner. If you're going to buy a doughnut, eat the fooking doughnut. Don't have a bite and then chuck it on the floor. Eat the fooking doughnut.
D:那你会禁止什么?
N:我不喜欢随地扔垃圾。我同意新加坡的做法。你知道,被抓到乱扔垃圾就得砍头。所有的街道角落都要禁止乱扔垃圾。你买了个甜甜圈,他妈的给我吃完。不要咬一口就扔到地上。给我他妈的吃完。
D: Who would you ban?
N: The root of all that is bad in the world. All religious and political preachers.
D:你会驱逐哪些人?
N:那些做坏事儿的人们。所有的宗教政治传教士。
D: Isn't your wife religious?
N: She has been known to attend church.
D:你妻子不是信教的吗?
N:她只是去参加教会。
D: That's one of the first signs.
N: I've never seen her do it. But you know when you see these people standing on soapboxes banging on about religion or politics, or worse - when they're combinging the fooking two? Really? If you're thinking that anything written in a book 2000 years old bears any relevance to anything these days...
D:这不是开始信教的迹象吗?
N:反正我没见过。但是你看,那些站在演说台上的人口若悬河地说着宗教、政治,或者更惨的,两件事儿一起说的时候,难道你心里不会想“靠!你真的相信那本2000多年前的书会跟现在的人事物有联系吗?”
D: What would be our Bible, then?
N: I only read factual books. I can't think of...I mean, novels are just a waste of fooking time. I can't suspend belief in reality...I just end up thinking."This isn't fooking true." I like reading about things that have actually happened. I'm reading this book at the minute - The Kennedy Tapes. It's all about the Cold War, the Cuban Missile Crisis - I can get into that. Thinking, 'Wow, this actually fooking happened, they came that close to blowing the world up!' But...what fooking winds me up about books...
D:那我们的圣经会是?
N:我只看写实的书。我不会去想。。。我的意思是看小说是浪费时间的事情。我无法把我的思想延伸到现实之外。。。每次我都只会想到“这他妈是假的”,我喜欢看那些真实发生过的事。现在我正在看一本书《The Kennedy Tapes》。是关于冷战、古巴导弹危机。我能投入到这些当中,想着“哇,这他妈真的发生过,他们就差那么一点就把地球炸了!”但是书本耍我的是...
D: This is already the best sentence I've ever heard.
N: ...is,like...my missus will come in with a book and it will be titled - and there's a lot of these, you can substitute any word, it's like a Rubik's Cube of shit titles - it'll be entitled The Incontinence Of Elephants. And I'll say "What's that book about?" And she'll say, "Oh it's about a girl and this load of fooking nutters..." Right...so it's not about elephants, then? Why the fooking is it called The Incontinence Of Elephants? Another one: The Tales Of The Clumsy Beekeeper. What's that about? "Oh it's about the French Revolution." Right, fook off. If you're writing a book about a child who's locked in a fooking cupboard during the fooking Second World War...he's never seen an elephant.Never mind a fooking giraffe.
D: 这是我听过的最棒的想法。
N:是,例如,我老婆会拿着一本书进来,书名会是...嗯,这种例子很多的,例如书名是《魔方》这类的傻逼名字。那本书叫《大象的失禁》,那我会问老婆“是说什么的?”她说“是关于一个女孩和一群傻逼。。。”就是如此,这不是一本写大象的书,那他们干嘛要取名叫《大象的失禁》?另一个例子:《笨拙养蜂人的故事》。是关于什么的?“噢,是一个关于法国革命的故事”。就是这种,给我死开一点。好像你在写一个在二战时被困在碗柜的孩子,他从此没见过大象,更不用说长颈鹿了。
D: Why are album titles different? Why don't you call yours Some Songs That I've Written, then?
N: Because people who write and read and review books are fooking putting themselves a tiny little bit above the rest of us who fooking make records and write pathetic little songs for a living.
D:那为什么要取不同的专辑名字?你可以给你的专辑叫“那些我写的歌”?
N:那是因为那些写书读书写书评的人自以为比我们这些弄唱片靠写些可怜的小曲来维持生计的人高尚。
D: Thing is, I write books, and...
N: Hey. I know you write books and all that shit. I'm just saying. The winner of the Pulizer Prize [for fiction]. What a cunt. Whoever that is, has got to be. I don't get it. Book sellers, book readers, book writers, book owners - fook all of them.
D: 其实我也写书...
N:我知道你写书跟其他那些东西。我只是说那些普利策奖得主(虚构小说的奖项)。那些傻逼。无论是谁拿奖,肯定是个傻逼。我不懂。书商、读者、作者、书的主人,都给我一边去。
D: Book owners?
N: Yeah. And I own books! But about shit that happened. That's what I'm talking about. Fifty shades of grey? Fifty shades of shite. I'm not having it. Novels...how could you read that? Do you write novels? Don’t tell me you write novels.
D:书的主人?
N:对。其实我也有很多书的!不过是那些谈论历史的书。这就是我想说的。五十道阴影?五十道屎!我不能忍受这些。小说...你怎么会看小说呢?不要告诉我你写小说。
D: I've written a novel.
N: What was it about?
D:我写过一本。
N:关于什么的?
D: About a guy who sees a girl...
N: Here we go. Already the shittest book of all time.
D:是关于一个男的看到一个女的...
N:看,已经是一本超烂的书了。
D: ...and he finds her camera and...
N: But you know that doesn't happen in real life! You know that never happens! Sounds like that film about the yellow Rolls Royce.
D:他发现了她的相机,然后...
N:你得知道这在现实生活中不会发生啊!你知道不会发生的!就像那部关于黄色劳斯莱斯的电影。
D: What's the film about the yellow Rolls Royce?
N: It's about the yellow Rolls Royce that's passed down through the ages. Becomes a Nazi staff car. Ends up in a garage in fooking Chippenham.
D:关于黄色劳斯莱斯的什么电影?
N:是关于一辆黄色劳斯莱斯随着时间不断更换用拥有者,成为一辆纳粹公车。最后停在切本哈姆的一个车库中。
D: It's not exactly like that.
N: Please don't tell me it's called The Tale Of The Fooking Amateur Beekeeper.
D:不是这样的。
N:不要告诉我这本书叫“业余养蜂人的故事”。
D: It's called Squirrels In June.
N: You fooking cunt. You're not trying to tell me you called it Squirrels In June, are you?
D:叫《六月松鼠》
N:卧槽,你不是告诉我那书叫《六月松鼠》吧?
D: No, I didn't call it that.But do you like films?
N: Yeah, I love films.
D;不,我没这么命名。那你喜欢电影吗?
N:喜欢,我喜欢看电影。
D: But films aren't real. Do you sit watching them thinking, "Oh, this didn't happen"?
N: Well, you've presented me with a dilemma there. But,say, my favourite film, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly...now, that might've happened. The American Civil War - that happened. I guess I don't have the chip in the brain that allows me to...like, if I was to read the book of The Good, The Bad And The Ugly, I don't want to have to invent the character Clint Eastwood plays...I want to just watch him.
D:但是电影也是假的啊。难道你会坐在那看,想“这不是真的”吗?
N:你这让我为难了。嗯,我最喜欢的电影是《黄金三镖客》。这可能有真实发生过。在美国内战的时候,这种事会发生。我猜是因为我的脑袋里没有一个芯片,让我去创造一个Clint Eastwood扮演的角色。我只想看他。(忍不住吐槽:草!!说那么多,不就是因为你笨吗!!(╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻)
D: You want all the work done for you.
N: Too fooking right. Novels and the people who write them, like I say, are putting themselves a few rungs above the rest of us. They're purporting to be intellectual, and... for you to write a book, is for you to say, "I am better than you". My 68 million records beat your one book.
D:你希望所有东西都为你准备好了。
N:说得太他妈对了。小说跟作者,就如我所说,自以为比我们高一等。他们声称自己很聪明,写出一本书,就是对你说“我比你优秀。”。我6千8百万的唱片销量比你的书要多好不好。
D: Your album's over in 45 minutes.
N: Yeah! Done! In and out, put the kettle on. There's just a lot of time devoted to the reviewing and reading of books. More man-hours are devoted to reading about books - not even reading books.
D:你的专辑全长45分钟。
N:对!45分钟就完事。一进一出,把茶壶放好。有很多的时间去阅读,再读。有更多的时间去看关于书的东西,而不是书本身。
D: So, as with Hitler, books are out. What would be your idea of hell?
N: One of your book signings. Or actually, if someone was caught not taking it easy - "You were seen working late on a Friday!" - I would make them listen to Radio 1. Pretty fooking dreadful. The music is...I can’t get my head round pop music [right now]. It all sounds the same. It’s all on the same frequency. It all seems designed to aggravate my teeth. You know music that makes your teeth hurt? There's a lack of...soul on Radio 1. I mean, what is going to be the future of chart music? I don't understand it. It's when radio stations start focus groups. They literally go outside their building and ask people walking by, "If I played you this song, what would you think?" and all that. Don't ask the man on the street! He's a cunt! That's why he's the man on the street, not the man in the expensive restaurant eating fooking mini sausages at four in the afternoon! There's great records coming out this year you're not going to hear on the radio. Temples, Jagwar Ma. Great stuff, but it's on a lower level. It's not on the battleground. You have to be in that world to hear it.
D:所以,跟希特勒时期一样,我们不需要书本。你心目中的地狱是怎样?
N:你写的书的一场签售会。或者,当有人没遵守规定,在周五晚上加班,我会命令他们听Radio 1电台。会超痛苦。那些音乐是...我不能听到流行乐。听起来都一样,尤其是节奏。它们似乎都是来破坏我的牙齿的。你知道那些会弄疼你牙齿的歌吗?Radio 1没有灵魂。这样死板的音乐会有什么未来?我不懂。这一切都是因为电台开始看重群众的观点。他们会到街上访问行人,问“我给你听这首歌,你对这首歌有什么感觉?”之类的。干嘛要去问一个街上的路人?他们都是傻逼啊!这就是为什么他不是在下午4点在豪华餐厅吃小香肠而是在街上混!今年发行了很多很棒的专辑,而你在电台上是不会听到的。Temples, Jagwar Ma.,很棒的音乐。但是这些音乐在地下,不是在流行乐的战场,你必须走进它们的世界中才能听到。
D: And groups like One Direction...
N: Banal pop music, like One Direction, say...what I think is: everybody's winning out of it. One Direction aren't working in the local fooking Costcutter, so they’re winning. The geezer who’s writing the fooking shit tunes, he’s winning. He doesn't even have to leave the studio. He’s got fooking new houses coming out of his ear
holes. The record company are winning - 'cos they’re all getting their fooking bonuses at Christmas. The young 12-year-old girls are winning because one day they might actually grow up to give one of them a blow job. They’re all winning. No one’s losing! The only people who are losing are idiots like me at 9:30 in the morning when you’re trying to get the kids out the door for school, and they’re fucking murdering one of Blondie’s songs.
D: 像1D这样的偶像组合...
N: 像1D这样平庸的流行音乐...我认为每个人都是赢家。1D并不在当地的如Costcutter这样的杂货店工作,所以他们是赢家。帮1D写那些烂歌的人,他也是赢家。他都不用离开录音师,靠着这些烂歌就能有一套新房子了。唱片公司也是赢家,因为他们在圣诞节都能拿到奖金。那些12岁左右的小姑娘们也是赢家,因为当她们长大之后会,肯定会给1D中的某个成员blowjob(此处已打码)。他们都是赢家。唯一失败的人们,就是像我这样,每天早上九点半,把我家那些小屁孩赶出门让他们去上学的时候,他们唱着某些流行歌曲,简直让我想死。
D: Speaking of family, what does your mum think about you and Liam not speaking at the moment?
N: She’s not arsed. We spoke about it once and that's it. How can you be bothered about two grown men in their forties who don’t speak to each other? What’s she going to do? Order me to call my brother?
D: 说到家人,你娘是怎么看待你和你弟弟不说话这事儿的?
N: 我们曾经谈过这事儿,她根本就不管。两个四十多岁的男人不说话这种事儿能困扰你么?我娘又能做什么呢?命令我打电话给我弟弟?
D: Do you miss your nephews, though?
N: Well, I miss, I guess...when [Oasis] were together, we spent so much time touring that outside of that I never used to see anyone from the band. And I'm not really the jolly uncle type. I'm a loner. A lone wolf. I'd have made a brilliant assassin. Sniper. Sitting in a tree for four months on the off chance. I enjoyed being in a group. But I was never a part of it. I was always off to one side.
D:你想念你的侄子侄女们嘛?
N: 嗯,我想我还是想念的吧...绿洲时期,我们多数时间都在巡演,除了乐队之外的人我都很少见面。而且我也不是一个讨喜的伯伯。我是个独来独往的人。我就像很优秀的刺客和狙击手那样,为了一个机会能坐在树上等上四个小时。我喜欢在人群中,但我从来就不是其中一员,而是在一旁保持距离。
D: Liam was in the papers recently because he tried to ride a dog in a pub.
N: Liam's got a touch of the Red Indian in him when he has a drink. When the Europeans went to America, they got the Red Indians pissed and bought Alaska off them for a fooking milk-bottle top. "Wahoo! Firewater!" There's a bit of that in Liam when he's drunk. "Wahey! Let’s have a go on that dog!"
D: Liam最近又上报纸了,因为他想在一家酒吧里骑狗。
N: Liam喝醉酒的时候就有点印第安土著的气质。欧洲人移民去美国的时候,赶走了印第安土著,用一个奶嘴就买下了阿拉斯加州。“哇,火酒!”这差不多就是Liam喝醉酒的状态。“嘿!我们去骑狗吧!”
D: Not you, though?
N: I'm all right when I'm drunk, I wouldn't ride an animal, though.
D: 但你不会对么?
N: 我喝醉的时候都很正常,我才不会骑任何动物呢。
D: And in this brave new world, who would you build a statue of? Who is the Icon's icon?
N: It's Les Dawson. You forget how funny he fooking was. You've heard his jokes so many times before. "Wife's run off with the bloke next door...God, I miss him." Les Dawson, man. Absolute stitches...
D: 在这个全新的世界里,你想为谁建造一尊雕像?谁是偶像中的偶像呢?
N: 应该是Les Dawson. 他这人真的太好玩了。你以前一定听过他说的笑话。“我老婆跟隔壁的家伙跑了...天哪,我太想念他了。”这就是Les Dawson,太好笑了!
#############
翻译:Lewis & Rachel
> 我来回应