11、SHE LOOKS BACK

SHE LOOKS BACK
她回头
THE pale bubbles
The lovely pale-gold bubbles of the globe-flowers
In a great swarm clotted and single
Went rolling in the dusk towards the river
To where the sunset hung its wan gold cloths;
And you stood alone, watching them go,
And that mother-love like a demon drew you
from me
Towards England.
苍白的泡沫
那可爱的金莲花的淡金色泡沫
在大量聚集凝结
并独自在黄昏中朝着河水滚动
去往垂落的落日它暗淡的金衣中；
而你独自站着，注视着它们远去，
母爱像一个恶魔引诱你
离开我
面向英格兰。
Along the road, after nightfall,
Along the glamorous birch-tree avenue
Across the river levels 【1】 不好理解！
We went in silence, and you staring to England.
傍晚后，沿着道路，
顺着迷人的桦树林荫道
穿过河水线
我们在沉默中行走，你凝望着英格兰。
So then there shone within the jungle darkness
Of the long, lush under-grass, a glow-worm’s
sudden
Green lantern of pure light, a little, intense, fusing【2】不好理解！
triumph,
White and haloed with fire-mist, down in the
tangled darkness.
那时，在丛林幽深的黑暗
和肥沃的牧草中发出亮光，一只萤火虫
意外的
绿色提灯的纯洁之光，如一个小小的，热情的，
熔化的喜悦，
白色与薄雾中明亮的光环，
在混杂的黑暗低处。
Then you put your hand in mine again, kissed me,
and we struggled to be together.
And the little electric flashes went with us, in the
grass,
Tiny lighthouses, little souls of lanterns, courage
burst into an explosion of green light
Everywhere down in the grass, where darkness was
ravelled in darkness.
然后，你把手再次放于我的手中，亲吻我，
我们挣扎在一起。
微弱发亮的闪光在草丛中陪伴着
我们，
微小的灯塔，可爱的提灯之魂，勇气
闯进绿色之光的爆炸中
落在草地各处，落在黑暗纠缠黑暗的地方。
Still, the kiss was a touch of bitterness on my mouth
Like salt, burning in.
And my hand withered in your hand. 【3】想象力再次大爆发
For you were straining with a wild heart, back,
back again,
Back to those children you had left behind, to all
the aeons of the past.
And I was here in the under-dusk of the Isar.【4】
然而，吻像盐般在我的嘴上如一个苦涩的触碰
向内灼烧。
我的手枯萎在你的手中。
因你狂热的心再次竭尽全力后退，
后退，
回到你留在身后的那些孩子中，回到
那漫长的过去。
我在这儿，夜幕下的伊萨尔河畔。
At home, we leaned in the bedroom window
Of the old Bavarian Gasthaus,
And the frogs in the pool beyond thrilled with
exuberance,
Like a boiling pot the pond crackled with happiness,
Like a rattle a child spins round for joy, the night
rattled
With the extravagance of the frogs,
And you leaned your cheek on mine,
And I suffered it, wanting to sympathise.
在故乡，我们斜靠在老式的巴伐利亚旅馆
卧室的窗口，
远处水塘的青蛙
热情地颤动，
池塘像煮沸的壶愉悦地发出噼啪声，
像孩子因喜悦转动的拨浪鼓，夜晚
因青蛙的喧闹而不安，
而你把脸颊靠着我，
我忍受着，想要同情。
At last, as you stood, your white gown falling from
your breasts,
You looked into my eyes, and said: “But this is
joy!”
I acquiesced again.
But the shadow of lying was in your eyes,
The mother in you, fierce as a murderess, glaring
to England,
Yearning towards England, towards your young
children,
Insisting upon your motherhood, devastating.
最后，当你站起，你白色的睡衣
从你的胸膛滑落，
你注视我的双眼，说道：“但这是
快乐的！”
我再次勉强同意。
可说谎的影子在你的眼中，
你内在的母性，凶恶的如一个凶手，凝视着
英格兰，
向往着英格兰，面向
你幼小的孩子，
坚持着你毁灭性的母爱。
Still, the joy was there also, you spoke truly,
The joy was not to be driven off so easily;
Stronger than fear or destructive mother-love, it
stood flickering;
The frogs helped also, whirring away.
Yet how I have learned to know that look in your
eyes
Of horrid sorrow!
How I know that glitter of salt, dry, sterile,
sharp, corrosive salt!
Not tears, but white sharp brine
Making hideous your eyes.
然而，快乐也在这里，你说的不假，
快乐未被如此轻易地驱散；
比担心或毁灭性的母爱更强大，它
摇晃地立着；
青蛙也帮助过，在远处发出嗡嗡的声响。
但我应该如何学会了解你眼中
那可怕悲伤的
神色！
我该如何知晓那干燥、乏味、苦涩之盐
腐蚀性之盐的闪光！
没有泪水，可白色的苦涩盐水
可怕地塑造着你的双眼。
I have seen it, felt it in my mouth, my throat, my
chest, my belly,
Burning of powerful salt, burning, eating through
my defenceless nakedness.
I have been thrust into white, sharp crystals,
Writhing, twisting, superpenetrated.【5】superpenetrated：找不到类似的用法。
我体验过它，在我的嘴，我的喉，
我的胸膛，我的胃里感受到它，
浓烈之盐的灼烧，燃烧着，侵蚀过
我毫无防备的裸体。
我被推入白色、苦涩的晶体，
翻滚着，扭曲着，彻底地被刺入。
Ah, Lot’s Wife, Lot’s Wife!【6】
The pillar of salt, the whirling, horrible column
of salt, like a waterspout
That has enveloped me!
Snow of salt, white, burning, eating salt
In which I have writhed.
啊！罗得之妻，罗得之妻！
盐柱，旋转的、可怕的
盐柱，像一个海面的龙卷风
裹挟着我！
盐之雪，白而炽热，侵蚀之盐
在我翻滚之处。
Lot’s Wife! Not Wife, but Mother.
I have learned to curse your motherhood,
You pillar of salt accursed.
I have cursed motherhood because of you,
Accursed, base motherhood!
罗得之妻！不是妻子，是母亲。
我学会诅咒你的母性，
以及你被诅咒的盐柱。
我因你而诅咒母性，
受诅咒的、卑鄙的母性！
I long for the time to come, when the curse against
you will have gone out of my heart.
But it has not gone yet.
Nevertheless, once, the frogs, the globe-flowers of
Bavaria, the glow-worms
Gave me sweet lymph against the salt-burns,
There is a kindness in the very rain.
我渴望将来，诅咒会反对
你走出我的心。
但它还未离去。
然而，曾经，
在大雨中有一份好意。
青蛙，巴伐利亚的
金莲花，萤火虫
给予我了甜蜜的液汁对抗盐的灼伤。
Therefore, even in the hour of my deepest, pas-
sionate malediction
I try to remember it is also well between us.
That you are with me in the end.
That you never look quite back; nine-tenths, ah,
more
You look round over your shoulder;
But never quite back.
所以，即使在我内心深处，
愤怒咒骂的时刻
我也提醒这在我们之间是适宜的。
在最后，只有你和我。
你从不完全回头；几乎总是，啊，
更多的
你环顾身后；
但从未完全回头。
Nevertheless the curse against you is still in my
heart
Like a deep, deep burn.
The curse against all mothers.
All mothers who fortify themselves in motherhood,
devastating the vision.
They are accursed, and the curse is not taken off
It burns within me like a deep, old burn,
And oh, I wish it was better.
不过，诅咒依然在我心中
反对你
像一个深深的烙印。
诅咒反对着所有的母亲。
所有的母亲在母性中强化自己，
摧毁美景。
她们被诅咒，诅咒未被取消
它灼烧着我像一个深深旧的烙印，
哦，我希望它能痊愈。
Beuerberg
比优尔伯格
【4】Isar：The Isar is a river in Tyrol, Austria and Bavaria, Germany.
伊萨尔河(Isar River)德国巴伐利亚州河流。一般认为伊萨尔河(Isar)这个名字来自凯尔特语中的ys(湍急)和ura(水，河)两个词。另一种见解认为ys是高低的意思，代表河的落差。
【5】superpenetrated：super+penetrated为组合单词，penetrated有刺入，穿透、渗透等意思。
【6】Lot’s Wife：出自《圣经·创世界》，天使叮嘱他们往山上跑，更不可以在逃命时停留站住及回头看。耶和华上帝从天上降硫磺及火，把索多玛、蛾摩拉及附近的一切都毁灭，然罗得之妻并无遵从天使的吩咐，在逃命时回头一看，立即变作了一根盐柱。