16、HUMILIATION

HUMILIATION
羞辱
I HAVE been so innerly proud, and so long alone,
Do not leave me, or I shall break.
Do not leave me.
我的内心曾如此骄傲，如此长久的孤独，
不要离开我，或许我应打破。
不要离开我。
What should I do if you were gone again
So soon?
What should I look for?
Where should I go?
What should I be, I myself,
“I”?
What would it mean, this
I?
我该怎么办，如果你不久将再次
离去？
我该寻求什么？
我该去向何方？
我应该是什么，我自己，
‘我’？
这意味着什么，这个
我？
Do not leave me.
不要离开我。
What should I think of death?
If I died, it would not be you:
It would be simply the same
Lack of you.
The same want, life or death,
Unfulfilment,
The same insanity of space
You not there for me.
我应思考死亡是什么？
如果我死了，这不会是你；
没有你，
这将完全一样。
一样的未实现的
渴求、生命或死亡，
一样精神错乱的空间
你没有为我而在。
Think, I daren’t die
For fear of the lack in death.
And I daren’t live.
思量，我不敢死
出于在死亡中的不足的恐惧。
同样我不敢活。
Unless there were a morphine or a drug.
除非有吗啡或麻醉药。
I would bear the pain.
But always, strong, unremitting
It would make me not me.
The thing with my body that would go on
living
Would not be me.
Neither life nor death could help.
我愿意承受痛苦。
但始终，是强烈的、坚忍的
它令我不再是我。
那东西同我的身体将继续
活着
不会是我。
不是生命或死亡能够补救。
Think, I couldn’t look towards death
Nor towards the future:
Only not look.
Only myself
Stand still and bind and blind myself.
思量，我无法面对死亡
也不能面对未来；
只能不看。
只能约束自己
站着不动并令自己失明。
God, that I have no choice!
That my own fulfilment is up against me
Timelessly!
The burden of self-accomplishment!
The charge of fulfilment!
And God, that she is necessary!
Necessary, and I have no choice!
上帝！我已没有选择！
我自己的实现结束了
无休止地对抗着我！
自我实现的责任！
实现的职责!
上帝，她是必需的！
必需的，而我别无选择！
Do not leave me.
不要离开我。