Listening to one’s own music is never a pleasurable experience, but I took the time to listen to Last Goodbye again this afternoon. I’ve not listened to the track for years now, I recorded it only just really after learning guitar for a few months so it’s very old. The guitar is rough, the vocals are pretty bad, the organs are by no means brilliant . . . but I thought the most important part of the song is really the emotions in it. I still feel whisked back to the moment of recording the song, and I want to re-write the lyrics, re-record the song and really give it the recording it deserves.
The melancholy of the start, the relative euphoria of the middle section, and the calm of the end section are all symbolic about the way they were formed, and reflecting about the time of recording this really represented my life at the time. I had gone through quite a tough time in terms of love and relationships as a high-school student, with one case really a “will she – won’t she” sort of situation. Well needless to say, the end result was a “won’t she” situation, and that’s really where the melancholy of the song derives from. I started learning guitar really as a means of being able to relinquish melancholy and emotions from the body, and not to keep them bottled up.
The euphoria of the middle section comes from the cathartic nature of relationships; the relinquishing of the hold of someone over oneself. That moment when after days, weeks or months of being depressed, you wake up one day and you no longer think about how you can’t live without that person, but when you wake up and think “the world is such a beautiful place, and I can’t let my life be dragged down forever by this.” The calm of the final section is really about that fleeting realisation about how huge the world is and how huge life is, and that we are here to explore. Musically, the main influence for this song was actually the musician Moby, and his album “Hotel”.
Listening back to this song again it feels strange to reflect upon these thoughts, and realise at how life does carry on even when a seemingly self-destroying event such as a bad relationship can make you feel that there is no point living. The point of the song is that life has its moments both good and bad, and that every coin has two sides to it. I’m lucky enough to be able to reflect back at this dark time of my life from a new, bright moment of my life, with a fantastic partner and someone who I truly love, and realise that the suffering of my high-school years could be justified by the outcome of it all. I hope that everyone realises that life is a long journey full of good times, bad times, friends and enemies; one may only proclaim to have “lived” if one has experienced the full spectrum of emotions that life has to offer us.